Confines

In the confines of a glass and steel office building, wishing my view could change magically into that of the ocean. A sight for sore eyes, an aching heart and a mind that longs for life changing experiences.


I've just finished a gruelling weekend, struggling to complete three elaborate costings and operations briefs' while trying to complete my poetry syllabus in time for my exam this coming Monday. Needless to say, Blake, Wordsworth, Shelley and the others had to be put on the back seat.


My usual bacon laden, sunlight streaming through burnt orange curtains, Jack Johnson filled languid Sunday turned into the nightnmare I only associate with costing (read numbers) and working on weekends. The sunlight seemed to mock me.


Now I look back to the past and wish for the exam free, work free weekends that I took for granted. Now an hour of TV a week is a luxury. Corporate life may just not be suited for me especially when the pay is so low. I could trade a sun kissed afternoon for work if the money was better. I'd even trade drinks on a weekday for slaving till 1 AM in the office if I was paid overtime.


So when I have no work and catch up on my reading in office and my boss asks why I'm not working. I'd like to tell him: I work in my free time so I'm reading in my work time.


We do need to make the world a fairer place.

I hate you.

I hate you for hurting me, for laughing when I cry, for treating me like a prostitute, for making me feel invisible and insignificant.

I hate you for never picking up my calls and never letting me finish a single sentence when you do, for being the only person who makes me happy and being the only person who won't.

I hate you because I love you, inspite and despite all of these things, because it's proof that I am weak and stupid and dependant when I spend everyday trying to be the opposite.

I hate that you treat me like I dnt feel anything when I feel everything, even the pains and burdens that aren't mine. I hate that I can have anyone I want but I only ever want you.

I hate that you are never around anymore but more importantly I hate that you don't want to be here. I hate that i'm not important to you, that after 5 years you can still tell me that you regret knowing me at all.

I hate that you are hurtful and callous, that you dream easily when you sleep while I lie awake crying, that you think saying sorry will make me forget everything you ever said.

I hate that I forgive you, I hate that I can't forget. But most of all I hate you for making me hate me.