That is the truth.
I don't trust my judgment in men and I have almost a decade worth of proof to show for it. I don't know what type of person I want to end up with and how rich he should be or how 'family-oriented'. I may have figured out my savings and bills and taxes but in this case I'm still as confused as I was at 15. So maybe this isn't a bad thing.
But here's the thing. It scares the hell out of me. The concept in itself is warped. I'm sent a picture and a personal CV as opposed to a professional one. On paper, he sounds perfect. So my parents call his parents and set up a meeting. We meet, we talk and that's it. Technically, he can 'court' me for a year, but, who are we kidding? If we've exchanged numbers and have had so much as one phone conversation its taken for granted that this is a done thing. After a couple of phone conversations and god forbid any one-to-one interaction, I turn the guy down, the many 'proposals' that were coming my way dwindle to almost nothing. And those sad few remaining are nowhere close to perfect even on paper. So what does a girl do? Say yes to marrying a complete stranger to fulfill expectations? Settle? Learn to 'love' a person you don't know and can't un-know when you realize you don't love them. Its a 'between the Devil and the deep sea' choice.
It's quite frankly a lottery or a gamble of any other kind. You could ofcourse 'fall in love' with this person eventually or just learn to live with him. He could be a wife beater, drug addict, alcoholic or even have a girlfriend hidden away. The society I live in still frowns at divorce. Faced with any of the above situations I'll probably be asked to work at it or even more plausibly be accused of not meeting his standards or doing things wrong for him to behave like this.
So, what does a girl do? Do I succumb to parental pressure and try it out? You never know, my Prince Charming is probably the one whose CV I just got forwarded. Or am I taking this step and closing the doors on the possibility that down the line I may have found the absolutely perfect person for me. My gut-wrenching, overwhelming, sun-kissed, heart-skipping, story-for-the-ages romance. But hey, I'm married and saddled with 2 kids and I can't possibly leave the man I settled for when quite obviously the man that makes me completely, blissfully, painfully happy is standing right across the road.
And here I thought, getting an education and a job and a house and doing decently well in all those aspects was the end of the line, stress wise. It's the only topic that ever makes me think 'I wish I wasn't born in India'. How is it that my folks forget that everywhere else people manage to find men on their own? That at 25, I still have a couple of good years ahead of me. That I am not over-the-hill and desperately in need of a husband.
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